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feel the joy
you don't have to work for
happiness. it's already here to be
experienced in every moment.
by james baraz
janet began her long-planned kitchen
remodel filled with dread, certain
it would be a difficult experience.
a self-described "aversive type,"
she knew that her often
uncompromisingly high standards,
coupled with a tendency to dwell on
all the things that might go wrong,
were likely to make the project a
source of frustration and tension.
janet decided that instead of her
usual cycle of anger and impatience,
she wanted to have a more positive,
joyful experience with the remodel.
getting clear on her intention to
feel joy helped her realize that the
attitude she had toward the project
would determine not only how she
would feel about its outcome but
also how rewarding the process would
be. she realized that making friends
with the workers on the job would be
a major step in supporting her
positive outlook. "i grew to really
care about the people doing the work
and looked forward to seeing them
each day, learning to trust their
judgments and taste," she said.
she also reasoned that if she could
feel satisfaction about the work as
it progressed, then that same
satisfaction would be there in the
completed kitchen. she made a point
to look each day for different ways
the project gave her a chance to
feel pleased. and her theory proved
to be true. the pleasure she took in
the details of the completed kitchen
went deeper than pleasure at the
cosmetic and structural
improvements.
"when i look at that space, when i
"when i look at that space, when i
get a glass of water or cook a meal,
i feel so happy. the whole house
feels happier to me and more
precious," janet reflects. to her
surprise, the remodel became a
joyful experience from beginning to
end.
how do you turn a dreaded kitchen
remodel, or any other potentially
difficult circumstance, into a
nourishing experience and a source
of happiness? by changing the
default setting of your mind and
heart toward greater well-being and
feelings of joy.
you do not have to create joy; it is
an innate quality already within
you, like the capacity to walk or to
you, like the capacity to walk or to
be kind. you come into this world as
an innocent baby with a natural joy.
you can still squeal with delight,
given the right circumstances. what
you likely forget, though, is that
you can feel this joy even when the
circumstances aren't just right. in
fact, this natural joy is available
at all times, and you can
consciously cultivate it so that
it's easily accessible, even during
difficult moments.
joy comes in many flavors. for some,
it's an energetic radiance; for
others, it's a quiet feeling of
connection. we all have our own way
of expressing joy that comes with
our unique temperament. in fact, the
word "joy" may be a stretch for
people who long simply to not be
miserable! those who find "joy"
awkward might prefer another word,
like "contentment," "delight,"
"happiness," or "aliveness." when i
use the word "joy," i often think of
it simply as a feeling of
well-being.
truly happy people are not happy all
the time. the 10,000 joys and 10,000
sorrows, to use the taoist phrase,
are part of the full tapestry of
life. being joyful does not mean you
stop feeling the full range of human
emotion. life is often hard. you get
disappointed. a loved one becomes
ill or dies. you feel stress in your
relationships, finances, or crowded
schedule.
awakening your joy does not mean
denying any of these things. rather,
those who discover the secret of
well-being are capable and centered
and able to be authentically engaged
with whatever circumstances life
presents. although you feel the full
spectrum of emotions, you know that
anger, sadness, and fear are only
temporary visitors. with practice, a
feeling of well-being can become the
baseline that you return to, rather
than an occasional surprise. how do
you begin this process? the
important first step, as janet
discovered, is to set a clear
intention to foster greater
well-being in your life.
put happiness first
we all want to be happy, but many of
us don't put this desire at the
center of our lives. we think that
if we are successful, rich, or well
liked, happiness will follow. but to
awaken our natural joy, it's
essential that we consciously
prioritize our intention to be
happy. for instance, once janet
decided she wanted her project to be
a source of joy rather than
frustration and anxiety, she was
more motivated to find strategies
that would support that central
intention. in getting clear on your
intention for happiness, you access
the place inside that truly wants
you to be happy.
the next key step is understanding
where real happiness lies. in order
to experience genuine well-being,
the buddha encouraged developing
what he called wholesome, or
healthy, states of mind. these
states, such as kindness or
generosity, have an expansive
quality; they open your heart and
create more ease in your mind. they
are different from unwholesome
states, which fan your desires and
provide fleeting pleasure but
actually contract the mind and lead
to suffering. taking an honest look
at what states contribute to an
inner ease and expansiveness, and
then cultivating them, is an
important part of the process.
the buddha points out that
accompanying these healthy states is
a natural feeling of gladness. for
example, in the middle of a random
act of kindness, you can notice this
gladness. by bringing mindful
attention to the sensations
generated in the body and mind, you
strengthen this "gladness connected
with what is wholesome," as the
buddha describes it. more than just
"feeling good," you learn to
recognize what it feels like to feel
good. by becoming more aware of the
landscape of well-being, you amplify
your joy.
for example, one practice the buddha
recommends to develop well-being is
simplicity, or what i refer to as
"the joy of letting go." this is
particularly relevant if you tend to
fill up your life by taking on more
than you can possibly handle.
simplicity can mean bringing more
balance to an overcrowded, busy
life. to use simplicity as a joy
practice, consciously choose to say
no to the next delicious invitation,
or decide not to add one more
"important" task to your schedule.
then notice how good it feels in
your body and mind to give yourself
the space that opens with that
de-cluttering.
with some practice, you can not only
feel happy in the moment but you can
also develop that joy as a habitual
response. in one discourse, the
buddha simply and profoundly
explains how habits are created:
"whatever the practitioner
frequently thinks and ponders upon,
that will become the inclination of
his mind." you are making either
skillful grooves or unpleasant ruts
with repetitive habits of thought.
modern neuroscience has corroborated
this: through repetition you
strengthen positive neural pathways
in the brain. by frequently
inclining the mind toward thoughts
associated with greater well-being,
you begin to shift your habitual
thinking. and the shift becomes
deeper still when you act on those
thoughts and impulses. as you
practice being present for moments
of joy as they occur and nourish
your spirit in healthful ways, you
create the conditions for well-being
to arise naturally.
as janet found, "even in difficult
and challenging moments, there is a
deep vein of joy underneath that can
be mined. this joy is found whenever
i can be present with exactly what
is. i've never experienced this as
joy before, but now i do. i have
learned to notice the deep joy i
experience in simply being alive."
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this article appeared in the yoga
journal
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